I wrote this yesterday

& drafted it at about 3:45 PM because my internet was not working!

Right now my head is the clearest it has been in months. Finally my chest infection has pretty much cleared up. The only pills I’m on now are for my allergic reaction that I woke up with on Friday, which I still have no idea what the cause was. Two more days of those pills and then I’m finally free from medication. I feel like my personality is finally emerging again. For the past two weeks I’ve been so dull and lifeless. I haven’t even been able to properly feel anything so yeah I’ve pretty much been this numb zombie walking around with my eyes half open. It has sucked because at times I felt like my personality was breaking through the cracks, but it was never completely there. Now I’m starting to get better, not that what I had was life threatening don’t get me wrong I’m not complaining here simply stating what the past two weeks have been like for me. It has just been hard because usually I’m so energized and happy and for the past two weeks I have been the complete opposite. I actually have been driving around in my car and not singing to my tunes. I haven't done that since I got my license. Fucking weird.
Anyways! Back to the clear-headed thing, today I feel so good. I feel like I’m back on track with myself and I feel completely at peace again. I feel like I have learned so much this past month. I no longer look upon the things that I have been going through as negative, but as simply what they truly are; a learning experience. I’m glad I helped someone along the way with my learning and I’m not resentful that my help isn’t needed anymore because obviously I am no longer a part of their learning. It’s okay, and I can smile about it because it taught me a whole lot about people and myself and next time it happens I can deal with things differently and not get myself so caught up ahead of my time. Finally I can say goodbye to what I believed to be true, and hello to what I ACTUALLY believe at this moment and that is that when you are at peace with yourself, nothing can alter or affect that. You are in control of how you perceive your reality. You are in control of sustaining your happiness. I’m so thankful for the little bit of happiness I felt from everything even if that happiness is gone forever. At least I know it existed within me and at least I know that if I ever felt it once, I’m sure I can feel it again.
Man I love the outcome of a simple cold. Once you feel better physically, then mentally you are all healed and vice versa. Next time you get sick ask yourself why you are feeling this way, and ask yourself what could be blocking you mentally from getting better.