2011 in a nutshell

So twenty-eleven to me has realistically been about ME. I mean this in the most non-arrogant or non-egotistic way possible. This year really tested my limits. This year I would like to say I truly discovered myself but hell, discovery was just a small stepping stone in this years equation. Even now I still continue to learn that life is not about pleasing people, it's about pleasing yourself first. You are never going to please every single person with every single thing that you do so you may as well make yourself happy, in other words you may as well do what the hell YOU want to do. If you're not happy, then really you're not going to make the people around you happy. No one likes being around people who bring them down and suck the life or fun out of any and every given situation. People want to be around positive uplifting people who inspire them and make them feel alive. That's what I think anyway, feel free to argue with me on that when you see me next if you strongly disagree. Anyways off topic there for a bit. At the end of twenty-ten I hit a kind of rock bottom. Now there's two possible scenarios that can carry themselves out when you reach this 'memorable' place. One: You do everything in your power to pick yourself up or to carry on even though you couldn't care less about your life. Two: You let this state of misery completely wash over you so that this once separated entity has taken over your being and has become the fuel of your existence. Pretty polar opposites hey but when you actually think about it you can really start to recognize these two outcomes in the people in throughout lives who are going through a certain 'tragedy' for lack of a better word. It's always easier to choose the second. Do you ever stop to think about how it's much easier to fall than to pick yourself up? That's why most people choose to live their lives through option number two not because it's better for them, but because it's easier. Everything in life is about choice just like the quote by the incredible Ronnie Winter, "Everything in life will bear a consequence" and when you're stuck in such a state you kind of forget that. You forget that YOU have the power to completely turn your life around. You have the power to keep going regardless of how awful you feel to put it simply. It's all your choice. Your thoughts, your feelings, your actions. If you don't want to feel a certain way then start paving the path of positivity. Start changing how you're feeling and slowly, things will change.

On a different note, this year I have really noticed people and the certain mentality that they're living out. It's always about can't with them, why they can't do something because of blah blah BLAH or why they shouldn't do what they want because lets face it, they just love being unhappy people. I apologize for my future swearing but I can feel it at the tip of my fingers and at the front of my mind as I type these words. If you want to eat a whole fucking cake for dinner THEN DO IT. If you want to spend your whole weeks pay on a single night out or a single fucking object if it'll make you happy THEN DO IT. If you want to stay up all night because you are having the best fucking night of your life and you never want it to end even though you know that work is closer approaching with each passing hour DO IT!!! If you want to act like a crazy lunatic in the middle of a shopping centre because you are simply filled with a crazy amount of energy then just fucking DO IT!! LIVE AND STOP MAKING EXCUSES AS TO WHY YOU CAN'T BE HAPPY!! If you have the power to bring forward happiness in your life why the FUCK are you letting that moment pass you by. Life is not about waiting for the right moment, my god there is no such fucking thing about "this right moment phenomenon" that those particularly "wise elders" preach to us early in our lives. The right moment is whenever you want it to be right. It's when you choose to live and breathe happiness and inspiration. Stop admiring these amazing people you read in books and see on TV and actually BE one of those people. Stop longing for someone else's life or happiness and go out and make your own come true. Too many people are blind to this mentality and with each and every person who actually lets this become a part of them is one more person closer to building a happier and more positive reality. Do you want to live your life on the fucking bench observing others live out their dreams or do you want to be one of these people making a difference? Everything that you do is your choice, what you wear, what you think, what you choose to eat or not each for breakfast, how you act, how loud you sing in your car, it's YOUR choice and it's up to YOU to CHOOSE to be happy.

I know I've posted this before years ago but it's very important to remember this poem, I know I keep it pretty close to me in case I ever feel off track.

Eric Victorino

the past is gone.

you can't get it back.

the future is a mystery,

it's unknown

and it may not even exist,

all you know you have for sure

is now.

now is something you can hold

in the palm of your hand.

right now

is all you have.

I think the most important thing I've learnt this year is to live in the moment. I threw the past and future out the window along with my 2010 goodbyes. I just wanted to acknowledge how lucky I am to be alive and constantly surrounded by a sea of people who I call my family.

It's awfully strange when life leads you to a place of familiarity and forces you try and relate to yourself as you once were in hopes of a reconnection. You can't though. Your past self has gone. It's uneasy knowing that you don't know where to go because you no longer belong there. Nothing from your past can bring you solace any more because you are no longer emotionally connected to it. All that's left for you to hold on to is the current moment, your current reality. It's awfully strange when life leads you to a place of familiarity only to take you out of it the moment you step foot onto its porch.

I've never felt this kind of cold before..

"You say it's not right for you but it's right for me"

It's important not just to think happiness but to live and breathe it at the same time.

My newest painting will always remind me of the happiest time of my life :)

This has been what has felt like the busiest month of my life assignment wise and I can say with a great amount of happiness THAT I HAVE OFFICIALLY FINISHED MY DEGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's important to put yourself first so that you don't get trampled on

One of my best friends told me last night that she is genuinely happy when I'm happy.

This is what I call friendship.

It's funny that lately the people who I would have least expected to have this kind of mentality with me have really stepped up and the people who SHOULD be having this attitude towards me have really stepped down onto a terrace of disappointment.

All I ever want is for the people I love to be happy and I just wish that was enough for them to think the same of me.

No more going out of my way for people who disrespect me and who are too caught up in themselves to even care about my happiness. This is what I get for always being loyal, swell.

People need to free themselves from their issues, I'm telling you now it's fucking AMAZING.

Remember...

Ask yourself this

I'm always there for the people who mean most to me but where are they when I need them?

Is it possible for the world to look this way forever?

I choose to see through untouched eyes with untainted vision.

EXTREME HAPPINESS - listen to this now :D

People are busy; get over it

My best friend who I have only seen one time since June made me realise last night that true friends are completely UNDERSTANDING.

They don't make a big song and dance about the fact that you have a busy life because lets face it- I don't think I know any one who doesn't these days. True friends are the ones that you can be apart from for months and still that amazing friendship is in tact. They are not so foolish and selfish to believe that your whole world revolves around pleasing them and only them. I am sorry but there are greater priorities in this world.

They have no right to be angry at you for living your life and doing what's best for you and if they are focusing their time and energy on such a ridiculous 'issue' then I honestly think they need to re-evaluate their priorities.

Oh and one last thing, a true friend would NEVER intentionally make another friend feel bad about something so trivial.

I will NEVER understand how people make big deals over silly things...especially with people they 'apparently' care about.

”It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.”

I haven't really been on here for the past two months I guess because I've been too busy. October has flown by and I am now left with its residues running through my mind which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Maybe I just need someone to talk to. Maybe I need some time to catch up with life. I don't know. I am completely satisfied but everything keeps changing and I am busy living things through without a single reminder of the past or any anticipation for the future. I guess what I am trying to say is that I feel so thankful for this present moment, for the now.

...that all the problems you face today are going to go

away, unless you worry them to stay.

...we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.

Today I realized

I don't think I was born to be a journalist, reporting other people's words, I think I was born to write my own...

I think that when we're fearful we forget how tall we once stood and how if there ever came a moment where we locked eyes with vulnerability that we would detest to its ignorant ways and carry on a fucking warrior.

Fear only exists in your head.

Another quote derived from studying :P

No two people express themselves or understand the world identically, and

everyone changes his or her perspective over time, largely in response to the

people and the expressive materials he or she comes in contact with.

It's amazing what I find when I'm trying to write assignments

The deceiver

places himself like a master over a

slave, the deceived, deciding what the

deceived should know and, as a result,

how he will likely act given his tampered

view of the world. The deceived

is denied the knowledge he needs to

make optimal decisions.

Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.

Happiness happiness happiness

You could read a thousand books, or say a thousand things...but that isn't going to change who you are unless you put these thoughts and words to action.

What is it with people born in the 1800s :)

"The true paradises are the paradises that we have lost." — Marcel Proust

"You know, I do believe in magic. I was born and raised in a magic time, in a magic town, among magicians. Oh, most everybody else didn’t realize we lived in that web of magic, connected by silver filaments of chance and circumstance. But I knew it all along. When I was twelve years old, the world was my magic lantern, and by its green spirit glow I saw the past, the present and into the future. You probably did too; you just don’t recall it. See, this is my opinion: we all start out knowing magic. We are born with whirlwinds, forest fires, and comets inside us. We are born able to sing to birds and read the clouds and see our destiny in grains of sand. But then we get the magic educated right out of our souls. We get it churched out, spanked out, washed out, and combed out. We get put on the straight and narrow and told to be responsible. Told to act our age. Told to grow up, for God’s sake. And you know why we were told that? Because the people doing the telling were afraid of our wildness and youth, and because the magic we knew made them ashamed and sad of what they’d allowed to wither in themselves.

After you go so far away from it, though, you can’t really get it back. You can have seconds of it. Just seconds of knowing and remembering. When people get weepy at movies, it’s because in that dark theater the golden pool of magic is touched, just briefly. Then they come out into the hard sun of logic and reason again and it dries up, and they’re left feeling a little heartsad and not knowing why. When a song stirs a memory, when motes of dust turning in a shaft of light takes your attention from the world, when you listen to a train passing on a track at night in the distance and wonder where it might be going, you step beyond who you are and where you are. For the briefest of instants, you have stepped into the magic realm.

That’s what I believe.

The truth of life is that every year we get farther away from the essence that is born within us. We get shouldered with burdens, some of them good, some of them not so good. Things happen to us. Loved ones die. People get in wrecks and get crippled. People lose their way, for one reason or another. It’s not hard to do, in this world of crazy mazes. Life itself does its best to take that memory of magic away from us. You don’t know it’s happening until one day you feel you’ve lost something but you’re not sure what it is. It’s like smiling at a pretty girl and she calls you “sir.” It just happens.

These memories of who I was and where I lived are important to me. They make up a large part of who I’m going to be when my journey winds down. I need the memory of magic if I am ever going to conjure magic again. I need to know and remember, and I want to tell you."
- Robert R. McCammon

New favourite

I miss having short dark hair.

From tomorrow I will be starting a diet. A diet from my usual lifestyle which will consist of me making the absolute most of the day before me. No stressing, no worrying, no reminiscing, no thinking about the future, no unessential thoughts, no negative feelings, nothing to weigh me down. The only thing I am allowed to focus on is the present moment.

I'll let you know the aftermath :)

Lovely day :)

I haven't been so emotionally attached to a book in so long. Definitely a one of a kind novel that will get you hooked right from the first page. So so so beautiful.

"It's our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"

I'm not interested in the norm and I know I'm not the only one.

A new month speaks for new alterations

You know what, I couldn't care less about any of the toxicity. There are things in my life that irritate me, there are people who I really couldn't trust any less but none of that seems to matter when I think about how precious time is. Do I really want to waste it feeling frustrated? These 'issues' aren't even worth a mere second of a contemplation. If people are annoying the shit out of you then don't associate yourself with them/If things aren't working out the way you wanted them to then find another way. Do something, CHANGE something. Don't just sit there feeling sorry for yourself.

Haiku time

Many thoughts alive

Lacking public compassion

"Ignorance is bliss"

Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty? This hatred? How did it find us? Did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happened to us? That we now send our children into the world like we send young men to war, hoping for their safe return, but knowing that some will be lost along the way. When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows, swallowed all by the darkness. Does this darkness have a name? Is it your name?

I keep reading quotes about "that one person who changed everything" but I feel like I have 43839758485405608984 people who have changed everything and made an impact in my life. I am so thankful today.

It's so obvious when people are fake.

Dan Layus has to have the most out-of-this-world comforting voice I have ever heard.

I don't waste thoughts on people who don't deserve them.

Holidaying in Olinda

Of course there's "pizze"

Perfection

My favourite tree

Smiles all round today :)

Soundtrack of the day: Simple Plan - No Pads, No Helmets...Just Balls.

Today I saw something in your eyes and it intrigued me.

My boy

Working progress

This week excites the living hell out of me.

Do what makes you feel the most alive and the rest will come together with time.

Confession: I don't push people away, they just don't try hard enough.

"Love is not love which alters when it alteration   finds"

A week ago I told my mum that my life would be nothing if I didn't feel inspired and most importantly alive. I had been lacking these two things for no particular reason recently.

This past week has been one of the most lively weeks I have ever existed in. I can't imagine myself feeling any more free. I don't care if my circumstances aren't perfect in other's eyes, I am 100 percent satisfied with everything. I feel like that's something you learn, kind of like a tool. To feel satisfied with any given situation because of how satisfied you are period.

Tonight was amazing!!!!

I'll probably get 3 or 4 hours sleep but hell, who cares because tomorrow I'm going to Sydney and tonight was the best night of my life!! I don't remember the last time I felt this alive :D

So I'm umm kind of in love with Tyler Hilton right about now.

One day.

It'll be a day like this one
When the world caves in

The ocean was beautiful today.

I look into all of their fucking eyes and they are vacant. I want to see the stars again, my world shining through.

What a voice

Sometimes inspiration keeps me up till all hours of the morning.

Looks like it's just me and you my lovely berry flavoured weet-bix :)

-light years away-

"This is your life, your moment of choice"

"I've come to the conclusion that if having things turn out the way you wanted them to is the measure of a successful life, then some would say that I'm a failure. The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past. And recognize that every day won't be sunny, and when you find yourself lost in the darkness and despair remember it's only in the black of night you see the stars. And those stars will lead you back home. So don't be afraid to make mistakes, or stumble and fall, cause most of the time the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you'll get everything you wish for. Maybe you'll get more than you ever could have imagined. Who knows where life will take you. The road is long and in the end, the journey is the destination."

Always love, hate will get you every time.

I don't think I can live my life the same after seeing the new Harry Potter movie. What a jaw-gaping phenomenon :)

Full-blast this right now!

EMBRACE IT!

I don't care what you look like, or however talented you may be. If you're a shitty person those things amount to nothing. I couldn't care any less.

"My life was awful. When I was a kid, I was fat, pretty ugly and had awful hair. I used to get teased every fucking day. Slammed up against lockers, punched in the face - you name it. Hell, I had to go to prom with one of my female friends because I couldnt even get a proper date. I cant even look back at those photos because I look so bad. I transfered schools, but the teasing just got worse. After a, lets say, "incident" I had with the school play, the bullying just got worse. But I made it through high school, only to find out that real life was pretty much the same. I just stayed in my dark room all day. I didnt talk to anyone, I didnt go outside. I just stayed inside and drew. I'd draw vampires, mummies, heroes, villians. Anything to help me escape all the bad in the world. I went to art school and didnt really belong. All I could draw was comic book characters. I tried to put my only good talent to use, by drawing a cartoon and pitching it - only to have it turned down. Life to me was just pointless. I started drinking, doing drugs and just generally wasting my life drawing. Then one day, I saw bodies falling from the sky. I witnessed people dying. And thats when I decided to turn my life around. I called up anyone I knew who had an instrument and we formed a band. Being on tour for the first few years was bad. All we'd do is get drunk and do drugs, but I loved it. Because I was doing something I loved with people I loved. And a few years ago I met the most perfect woman ever. It's like we share a wavelink or something. She just knows me, without even knowing me if you understand. And now, 2011. I have a beautiful baby girl, a caring wife and I get to perform for all my adoring fans every day. I am living proof that no matter how bad life gets, it gets better. I am Gerard Way, and I survived."

I used to live my life in the past and in anticipation of what was yet to come. Nowadays I live my life in the current moment, I take things as they come without the slightest lingering possibility of any negative thoughts roaming around in my mind. I am free from any past restrictions as well as future barriers. I have learned to focus my thoughts completely on the positives and am satisfied with all around me at any given moment :)

I hope you're proud of me from up above.

You're my number one motivator my dear.

My favourite place in the world

"...the greatest waste in the world is the difference

between what we are and what we could become"

There's too many amazing things to be excited about to be sad about anything!

I hate how people refuse to acknowledge things in their lives or other's lives because they are just too hard for them to talk about. Too fucking bad. These people need to know you care and are you just going to sit back and let these things pass by when you know completely well that they are happening? I don't understand why some people are constantly prone to make the wrong decisions.

I will always be here to help anyone I care about and it's not because I like to sit back and judge people because I myself have a closet full of things someone could choose to judge me about. It's simply because I don't see the point in acting ignorant. Ignorance may be bliss, but it's a fucking lie.

It's the best thing in the world when people you love are happy :D

I love my family.

My newest.

Thanks Peter :) Now I can have my sisters with me no matter where I go.

My nights always seem to end with nonchalant thoughts twisted in chaos.

DO NOT SETTLE.

When I die, I know that a place like this will be my heaven so if you ever lose me, just remember I'll be with the trees.

'I don't want to lose you.' His voice almost a whisper. Seeing his haggard expression, she took his hand and squeezed it, then reluctantly let it go. She could feel the tears again, and she fought them back. 'But you don't want to keep me, either, do you?' To that, he had no response.
-Nicholas Sparks.

The funniest face you'll ever see....

Sometimes, unfortunately blood isn't thicker than water. The real kind of family are the people who honor your existence and continue to make the effort to be always by your side.

Enjoy

My favourite song for the past six years and to this day.

One day I'll get some of these words on my skin.

"Don't ever let the media tell you what your body is supposed to look like. You're beautiful the way you are. Stay beautiful. Keep it ugly." -Gerard Way

Brother # 2 :)

I just feel so so undeniably happy :)

I'm happy May is now behind me :) Hello June, you will be wonderful...I'm more than sure of it.

Lucas: Know any good jokes?
Brooke: You're looking at one. Why does everybody lie? You know, the bad guys lie to get in your bed. And the good guys lie to get in your heart. And I'm the idiot that falls for it every time.
Lucas: Hey... Brooke, you are not an idiot. Not even close. You know who you are. Most people don't, you know. I mean, that's why they lie. They're afraid people might find out who they are before they figure it out themselves.

For the people I love; I would do ANYTHING.

It's funny, when something bad happens in someone's life it is then that they gain a kind of new perspective on things. People have been saying this to me for the past two weeks. For me it's bullshit. Every single day I have that same feeling, that same perspective. The thought that death can just fly by unexpectedly at any given moment. The same apathetic view towards all things small that wouldn't matter if I was dying at this very moment. I think like this every single day, it doesn't take something bad to happen in my life for me to wake up. I am already so fucking awake. It takes something bad in my life to only reinforce the fact that I feel so differently to people. No matter what happens, I always feel so different. This year I've learned to love that about myself instead of resent it. Life is what you make it. One day I know I'll find someone who believes that with everything they're made of. I'm never left feeling alone because I always have my hope.

It's so nice to know that all the hard work has finally paid off :)

I'm sick of the arguing. I don't understand why you don't change, after all these years you just continue to disappoint me.

All I've ever wanted is for you to love us enough to change.

The only person you can rely on is yourself.
The only person you can rely on is yourself.

Thanks Sara :)

These days consist of back and forth hospital sessions/a mountain hight of untouched uni assignments/work, and through it all I feel so thankful and grateful about the good things I have with me.
I'm on a mission baby. You'll see. When I'm done changing my world, I'll move on to the broader spectrum.

Wow you're beautiful.

When things get to the point where it's a matter of life and death, nothing else really seems to matter.
I can't believe how easy it is for something to change.

I don't want to talk to anyone who speaks shit as a first language. I don't want anyone in my life who is just going to up and leave when they've had enough. I don't want to be associated with negative people who suck the life out of any given situation.
I want to hold on to people that inspire me.

I love that I actually get to research Gerard Way for an assignment :D

I wonder if there are any songs out there that remind people of me. I have so many that remind me of so many people who were once in my life, still a part of my life and well...those that I am yet to meet.

Elizabeth and I

After a one hour work out :P

All I want is a place to call my own,
To mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone
Whoa
You know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low
Keep your hopes up high and your head down low

I miss our hourly chats over Indian food that burnt our throats.

When I stop to think about how many people in my life, friends...family...whoever REALLY know me, I mean really really know me, I'm unfortunately left with not even a handful.

I JUST WANT TO LIVE RIGHT NOW.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVER WASTED EVEN A MILLISECOND OF ANY MOMENT ON ANYTHING OR ANYONE REMOTELY UNDESERVING TO PUT IT PLAIN AND SIMPLY.
YOU AREN'T WORTH SHIT.

I can't wait to ACTUALLY focus everything I'm made of on people that truly matter and things that truly mean something to me.

Goodbye any negative thoughts I've had in the past few days, the past weeks, the past months or the past fucking year.

Seriously, I'm doing what I want to do, REGARDLESS.

:) So fulfilled.

I feel like being away, not because I'm wanting to escape anything here but just because I'm wanting something fresh to drift into my life.

Cannot WAIT to hear this song live tomorrow night :D

Mel you look out-of-this-world beautiful here.

Confession # 43850943785094783985

I can't wait to fall in love again.

What's the point in not doing what you REALLY want to do?

I need something.

They all come crawling back and it's too fucking late :)

I love my two sisters :)

Some things to ponder over

If right now, at this very moment your life flashed right before your eyes would you be happy with the person that you would see?
Can you say that you are entirely and completely happy with your existence and everything you have done up until this very moment?
Are you learning from your mistakes and moving forward or simply losing yourself in your despair and apathies?
What did you think of when your head hits the pillow before your eyes begin to shut each night?
Do your thoughts eat away at you?
Do you dream? When you are asleep and in your waking world?
Are you one to believe in regrets?
Would you change anything about yourself?
What truly matters to you?
What are you hiding behind?
Can you genuinely say you believe you are a decent person?

I can't believe I was in Bendigo this morning, it feels so much further away. I miss it.

"This Is The House That Doubt Built"

Don't get me started on what it means to be alive
You're lying to yourself and yet still you act surprised
Cause you're scared and can't come to terms with what you are
The wolves in sheep's clothing will only lead you so far
You'll wait and they'll go cause in the end we all end up alone so just wait you'll know

Forget everything just for tonight we'll sing like everyone when they're alone
Cause I've been waiting for tonight to sing whoa, whoa

I rely on myself just making sure that was clear I'm not in need of your crutches
I've faced all my fears and I won what I knew I could have
Life is not a punch card make the best of what you have

But don't wait just go
And when you find yourself please let me know
It's not too late just let go

Forget everything just for tonight we'll sing like everyone when they're alone
Cause I've been waiting for tonight to sing whoa, whoa

Let's believe that if we all stand together we're a force that can shake the whole world
For once we're doing something right when we sing whoa, whoa

In the end it's not about what you have
In the end it's all about where you wanna go
And the roads you take to help you get there I hope you think that's fair

Cause you've only got one life to lead so don't take for granted those little things
Those little things are all that we have

Forget everything just for tonight we'll sing like everyone when they're alone
Cause I've been waiting for tonight to sing whoa, whoa

Let's believe that if we all stand together we're a force that can shake the whole world
For once we're doing something right when we sing whoa, whoa

(I say whoa whoa whoa whoa)

Can't forget everything

Cause I've been waiting for tonight to sing whoa, whoa

Fuck settling, why should I have to if I don't want to?

I don't care what everyone else is doing. I don't care if I'm different, I know I'm not the only one.

And your heart, is a stone
Buried underneath your pretty clothes

"Trust your heart if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk backward."
— E.E. Cummings

A couple of snaps

Outside the circus :)


Comfort indeed

Amazing

This message just got delivered to my email inbox, what a completely relevant statement.

If someone isn't ready to change, if they're not committed to the process 100% then nothing you nor I can do will make an ounce of difference.

“I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken, and the one that could always brighten up your day even if she couldn't brighten her own.”

Sometimes I feel like I don't even want to try and get to know people because they will only disappoint me in the end and I guess maybe that's why I keep to myself at times... well a lot of the time but I love it when I'm proven wrong. I love when someone shocks me in a good way, when they really make me have hope in others because of their decency. It's very rare but it's the only thing that keeps me from constantly feeling depressed about people. For every person that brings me down, there are always five others waiting around the corner to lift me up.

So beautiful

Thanks Armarin :)

So so so so so much fun!!
You should try it.

I want to meet someone who shares my love for British music, just putting it out there :)

Damon Salvatore...

Currently

I actually feel disgusted when I think of you. People like you have always and will always make me sick.
I don't fucking understand why people choose to be crappy people when they have so much potential and so much ahead of them? I think about others lying in hospital beds with a jungle of cords connected to their bodies wishing and only being able to imagine what it would be like to have that much freedom and to have so many opportunities lying ahead of them. Instead they are stuck living off of these machines that are counting their soon to be last breaths and I really can't get it through my head that people are out there just wasting their lives on nothing and being nothing. What the fuck is wrong with some people in this place?
Stop measuring your lives in quantity and how much you can obtain and start measuring your lives in quality and what you can achieve.

I heard this song live one and a half weeks ago and it was so beautiful.
There's always a certain satisfaction or comfort in his misery.

“I've changed. You can't help it. Your mind starts working in a different way. You feel really scrutinised by people.”

I know who I am.
I know what I want.
I know how I should be treated and I most definitely know how I should NOT be treated.
No settling for any less, regardless of anything.

With great pride comes great self respect.
If you don't respect yourself how can you expect anyone else to?

Lets share another surf board and swim out into the ocean like we did when we were kids. I always felt safest when I was with you even though half the time you nearly got us killed...okay maybe I'm over exaggerating just a bit. I just can't wait to see you, a lifetime is much too long for me. At least I know you're happy. With that thought circling the back of my mind I am one happy girl. If I could have five minutes with anyone in the world it would be you, and not because you're not here anymore.

For once my nostalgia is lifting me up into the sky instead of bringing me down. I am so happy :)

A year ago today was one of the hardest days of my life, if not the hardest.
I think back to it now and I still can't allow myself to really, truly think back to its existence. What I do know is that compared to this day, nothing fucking remotely trivial or superficial matters. I simply could not care less about pointless situations or pointless people. When you compare death or the unjust sufferings of innocent people to other things or situations that you think might possibly warrant you to feel a certain kind of unhappiness, all the relevance and emphasis of these situations is stripped away from you. Your importances will never look the same to you again and if you marry that concept to so many of your life happenings, then I think that you'll be able to see everything for what it really is.

So this is what it feels like :)

This was written on the toilet wall at my favourite Melbourne venue and I thought it was beautiful so I took a photo of it.

It's not me it's you

Man I used to be so naive, so endlessly loving without the slightest of boundaries even if I were the one falling down and being stepped on in the process. Even with really close friends, when they did me wrong I was always in denial, sticking up for these people, making exceptions for them because of who they were and what they meant to me. But there aren't any fucking exceptions. I learnt that months and months ago.
If you treat me less than what I deserve you aren't worth my time. So many times I would have given certain people the world only for them to destroy mine in the process. When I was 17 I used to think it was because I wasn't good enough for these people. That I was somehow lacking in something or inadequate. I see now, and I have been seeing for the past few years how wrong this statement is. If you aren't treating me right then you're the one with the issues. If you lie to me, then you're the one with the insecurities. If you can't face up to the truth then you're the one who will be living a lifetime of unhappiness and I am not connected to any of you because I refuse to be associated with shitty people who continue to make shitty decisions.

Two birds one stone

:)

You are amazing.

"I am so happy and contented. I don't even think of the waste anymore, I'm just happy and contented."

I can't wait to give you the biggest hug!!

Last April was one of the best and worse months of my life, hopefully this year only half of this will stay the same :)

If you waste time caring about what everyone else is doing in their lives then you won't have any time left for yourself.