I don't know

I wish I knew where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing.
I'm tired of not knowing if what I'm doing is the right thing to be doing. I wish I knew my purpose...I wish I had more of a purpose. I don't want to die tomorrow without having made an impact. I don't want this life to be a wasted one. It's not that I want to be remembered, I just want my life to have been worth living in some one's eyes. Or in my eyes anyway. I want to achieve but lately I haven't known how to.

I wish I wasn't so independent at times.
I'm starting to think that maybe it isn't such a good thing. Maybe when I feel like depending on people, that will change though, but only when the right type of people or person comes along.

I wish I wasn't so sentimental all the time. It's just horrible the amount of places that to this day still have an affect on me if I walk past them or something. Then I think, fuck that, there are too many people in this world who are too closed from everything. They close themselves off from the people that really matter. How are we supposed to know you care if you don't show it? To this day I still have felt no love from some people in my life. I never want to be like them. I don't care if the moment I step foot out of my house, every single place has some sort of affect on me, or has some kind of memory attached to it. I'd rather overly acknowledge how I feel than block it all out, trying to make myself believe it doesn't exist. That is the one thing that I have done my whole life. No matter how bad the feeling, I always will feel it one way or another. If I suppress it, it comes back ten times worse but I'll still feel it. I never want to be numb, although sometimes I feel as if I am numb but then I realize that there's just nothing left to feel here.

I wish I wouldn't think as much.
Some days I just sit there staring at a blank wall for hours, no joke, thinking about god only know what. It really irritates me, especially when I actually DO have something better to be doing, but no, I get too caught up in my thoughts that are stupid and relentless.

I wish I would live in THIS moment more.
I'm always reminiscing about my past, planning for my future, worrying that I might run out of time to achieve the things that I want. I just need someone to slap me in the face each time I refer to anything that isn't apart of this current moment.