My favourite place in the world

My handwriting is messy

It's so hard to let go of something when you have all these uncontrollable memories shooting at you from all directions reminding you of how amazing things once were, forcing you to hold on... even if it is by a single thread.

Denial

When you're in denial, nothing that interferes or that can potentially interfere with your beliefs can phase you. You know that at the back of your mind you aren't believing the lie you continue to tell yourself every single morning but you refuse to turn those thoughts of yours into words because you know that the moment you say 'hey maybe I'm just kidding myself' is the moment where your walls come crashing down. Maybe you aren't strong enough to handle that disappointment, dare I say defeat. You choose to live in this facade that you have created because it is much more easier and appealing than the reality you have left behind. When you're in denial and you finally wake up from it, it hurts. Oh of course it hurts, reality has come so suddenly bearing gifts. You can choose to see those gifts as something positive so that you are complacent with your true reality, or you can choose to see the negative side of things where you refuse to let go of your idealistic reality that you can't live without at that moment.

So I saw New Moon the other night

& this is what I have to say for myself ;)



*

& I found out today, the stars will continue to show :)

Haight St.

“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.”

The rain won't wash away

You just proved me right- thank you.

Right now

I feel completely run down.
Physically, I can't even gather the strength to stand. Walking has become too much of an effort today to continue. My throat hurts and I'm finding it hard to fall back to sleep when I wake up coughing in the middle of the night. I'm feeling a non-existent heat and my head feels like an oven when I put my hand to it. It's aching. Maybe I have a fever? I don't know. I'm burning up and I'm burning down. I'm sweating in the cold weather which just doesn't make sense to me.
Emotionally, I am snappy. I am happy, I am sad. I smile and mean it, then lack the strength to repeat that gesture. Because I'm physically exhausted, I am now emotionally drained. I'm every feeling you could possibly imagine washing over you today. I am everywhere because my thoughts are like the pieces of a broken jigsaw puzzle just waiting to be put back into their correct place. I don't really feel any real feelings other than frustration because my emotions aren't really real today. I am beyond bored and I wish my restlessness would find a way to pass me by.

I don't like

what's inside of my phone.

Late night thoughts

I don't know specifically what I will be doing with my life in 10 years, I might not even be alive *touch wood*. What I do know is that I want to be doing something worthwhile and something that actually has meaning to it. I want to help, motivate or change people somehow, and I really think that one day after all this learning is done that I'll be at a stage in my life where I can do that. I want to wake up each day believing that I'm the best version of myself and that those who have passed would be proud of who I've become. Every single day I think of them, one person specifically, and that inspires me to live. You don't know when your time is up here and death itself isn't what scares me, it's just the thought of not achieving that I can't stand. I don't want to look back and think that I've wasted all these years. That's why this year I told myself I'd 'live in the moment' or whatever. I have experienced so much more with that thought at the back of my head but there's still been times where I haven't made the most of my opportunities. I guess we just need some time to be normal, neutral even. You can't really be inspired 24/7, after all without suffering and despair how can inspiration even exist? I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make an impact on people one way or another and if that doesn't work, at least I'll die trying to make a change.

Happiness

The happiness you receive from other people can come with a price, it's never certain. They choose when to give it out, or when to take it away. The happiness you receive from yourself is something that is guaranteed because you are in control of it. The ball is in your court.

Now I'm actually going to sleep. I hope I dream this time.

I couldn't have said it any better.

“If I think more about death than some other people, it is probably because I love life more than they do.”
- Angelina Jolie

Tired of trying to sleep

I hate the night. It used to inspire me. Now all it seems to do is keep me awake.

Go and see this movie

I highly recommend it. Just incredible.

I'm going to sleep

and for once I really hope I don't dream. It makes it that much harder waking up each morning.

In 9 hours

I will officially be on holidays for 3 and a half months and I am not going to waste any of that time dwelling on things that apparently haven't even mattered!!!!!!!!!

I think

I disappoint myself.

I just read the best quote

"One day you're going to want that specific girl back. That girl that knew she wasn't perfect, but tried to be for you. That girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you and love you the only way she knew she could. That girl who sees your flaws, but values them as much as your strengths. That girl who still can't bring herself to hate you, even though you probably deserve it. That girl who saw past your pretty face and treasured parts of you that no one else appreciated. That girl who realizes she may never have your heart again, but will carry the image of you in hers forever. And by the time you realize that's the girl you're looking for, she'll be with the person who already knew".

My truth, everyone's truth

This morning I woke up feeling gooooood :) As if I ever let anything ruin that, and as if a part of my happiness was ever partially controlled by someone other than myself.
Know who you are and own it, they will only hurt you if you let them and that's the truth.

Elle inspires me every day

'Live your life as though you mean it.'

everyone should be like chris

I can't stop blogging today

"Do you ever wonder if we make the moments in our lives or if the moments in our lives make us?"

On the brightside

It's incredible how much you can learn from someone, especially when you've never even met or probably never will.

Two years late

Right now I can't stop listening to all the same by sick puppies. I'm about too years late but whatever. I fucking love this song :)

Anyway I really like these fine words. One day I'll make up my own and it will be with me forever.




&& last night was pretty fun :)

I just got home from bada bing and yes...I have been drinking. I'm not really drunk but still not completely myself. I'm thinking so much right now. What is the point of anything? I just don't understand. Why is life so deceiving? Why can't people be honest? I'm sick of being so honest :( No one returns the favour. It would fucking save me so much time. Geez. I don't understand anything right now. I feel a bit lonely, but I know that the alcohol is playing with my emotions. I would never feel like this sober. I wouldn't feel sorry for myself if I were sober. That's a waste of time, but right now I feel vulnerable...

Pyramid

I decided that today is going to be amazing, and it will be because I will make it amazing.

C

I'm not scared of death because I know that you will be there waiting for me just like you always were with that cheeky smile of yours. I just miss knowing that you are around me...

I just read something

and it struck a nerve. Look...

We don't say - I'm existing my life, we say I'm living my life. But most people are merely existing...

LIFE IS TOO FUCKING SHORT

!!