Keep your coins, I want change

Yesterday I was walking around the city and I came across this homeless man sitting up against the wall in the middle of the street, with a hat beside him containing some petty loose change given to him from strangers. I decided to walk by him and give him my change and as I was getting out my purse he asked me how my day was. I was shocked. I replied with a yeah not bad and smiled happily, then asked him how his day was going. He told me it was going alright and also seemed a little shocked but delighted by me asking him that very same question. What took me by surprise was that I was walking around on Bourke street like any other individual, who at the end of the day would have a house to go home to, while there was a man right beside me who had the complete opposite that actually cared enough to ask me how my day was going. It really put the past month of worrying about pointless crap that I can't change into perspective. Beside me sat a man who had nothing, brave enough to sincerely smile about the fact that he was still living. He was still surviving and that was all that mattered.

Yesterday I walked away from that man promising myself to never let money affect my happiness again. So what if I don't have my own car, big fucking deal. There are people who don't even have a bed to sleep on each night. Screw these pretentious things we are born to go after and work towards in our lives. I want to work towards people and changing things. I'm sick of the whole 'money makes the world go round' concept. It does make some things come to life but those things would amount to nothing without the people who have striven towards creating them.

If I was the front porch swing would you let me hang?

My runaway

I hate being sick or having a cold, obviously as the majority of us do. But what I really hate is not being able to sing in my car along to my music. Yesterday I purposely put a CD in that was unfamiliar to me because that way I knew I wouldn't be able to sing to the songs so my throat wouldn't get any worse, but the idiot that I am changed the CD on the way home. I was in need of some loud-music-sing-along therapy and so this morning I woke up with an even worse throat ache. I feel like shit physically worse than yesterday but mentally I feel awesome. So worth not being able to swallow.

You don't change like the wind

There are some things you just can't change to better suit your ideals. Usually I think, if you aren't happy with something you should work towards changing that so that you can be but I've realized that sometimes you just can't. Sometimes you aren't the one who is in control of that change and you can't necessarily change someone if they don't have it in them to be changed.

Maybe our relationship is too damaged to be fixed. Maybe I will never forgive you. Maybe I never tried hard enough. Maybe you should have put me first. Maybe I was never who you wanted me to be.

Mike Shea

This man inspires the shit out of me.



& I'm so in love with this song, Craig Owens has one of the most out of this world voices.

Chiodos - Smitten for the mitten

Just me and you,
With the world in our hands,
With the world in our hands.
(So say what you want)

I'm really not who you think I am,
I keep the ones that make me sane,
So stop telling me I'm not who you thought I would be

And I'm so much better now that I'm far from you,
This passion drowns our need for love

Don't you ask me any questions.
(Just come on and follow me)
Through the wires and ocean bottoms,
Through the skies and empty rooms.
(From the pit of my stomach)
Coming out through my throat,
Regret and failure,
The need to keep you coming back for more.

And I'm so much better now that I'm far from you,
This passion drowns our need for love.
No, we can't stop even if we wanted to,
This passion drowns our need for love.

And this is all still so new to me,
Our eyes have lost their color.
And now I'm trying, I'm trying to keep my balance.
But there is nothing, there's nothing to keep me steady.
And I'll hold myself up.

And I'm so much better now that I'm far from you,
This passion drowns our need for love.
No, we can't stop even if we wanted to,
This passion drowns our need for love.
I'm so much better now that I'm far from you,
This passion drowns our need for love.
No, we can't stop even if we wanted to,
This passion drowns our need for love.

Take a photo, it lasts longer

I thought of something bizarre last night when I was going through old photos. Photos show you how much you've changed...not because of how different you look in them or who you are standing next to, but because of how you feel when you are looking at them. The feeling you got from looking at a photo the day after it was taken in comparison to the feeling you get when you look at that same photo months later can really show you how much you have changed, or how far away you are from that state of mind. It's amazing! I'm starting to really like this whole no connections to a photo thing.

Hello world

This is the first thing I see each morning and I'm finding it more and more beautiful with each day that passes.

Back where I started from

I deleted my last two blogs because I felt like I was wasting all this time filling them up with shit that was dull and relentless. Hopefully I won't bore myself this time.