1 day to go until 09 is over forever...

All week I've been having different flashbacks from the year. I miss things. I miss feeling on top of the world, I actually was invincible once upon a time but fairy tales don't seem to last in this reality.

Just got home before

I saw the movie Avatar tonight and it blew me away. There aren't any words in the English language to describe how incredible that movie is.


Anyways, I'm so awake once again and feeling really inspired. The last thing I want to do is sleep. I could stay up until all hours of the night but I know that I can't because I have to be awake for work in 6 and a half hours. I can't stop thinking about this year and everything that's happened and all the people I've met or reconnected with. This year has been the best year because it has taught me so much. It's times like these I wish someone actually cared at this moment about what I was saying because right now I have so much to say and it's all falling on deaf ears but it's okay because I feel amazing and for this moment, no matter how insignificant it may seem to other people, that feeling can't be taken away from me.

Guess what!?

3 days left!!!

Feel good drag

I don't care about what anyone says, there are some things that can control your happiness. If you didn't let them affect you at all then how would you deal with them? How are you even human? Maybe I haven't cared about these things for a while but if something happens that makes me realize how shit these things are I'm not just going to shrug it off. You need to be upset in order to overcome. It makes you stronger. It's a process. It certainly makes me stronger, and even though the process is pretty fucked, the outcome is amazing. Here's to feeling. I'm glad things mean this much to me because if they didn't I would be just like you.

5 days left

It's stressing me out.

Dashboard

Belle Of The Boulevard

Christmas

It's made me want to give and all of a sudden I've felt this sudden rush of affection that has become like a flat balloon. I don't know. There's just so much love to give but I don't know what to do with it. I wish I knew right now.

The sun is out these days

Literally and metaphorically speaking and I adore it :)

Just going through old photos and found this quote

'The heart of a sensitive person suffers too much love'.

Vanilla Sky

I was going through the family DVD collection today and came across this movie and for some reason I just stopped and something made me hold onto it. So I watched it and wow...really bizarre but great movie indeed. It really got me thinking about a lot of different things but mainly just about Tom Cruise's character. Definitely made an impact on me.

10 DAYS

LEFT OF THE YEAR BY THE WAY! The countdown is awnnn!

Green Day

was one week ago :)So so so so good!!
I'm glad me and Mel got to experience this moment twice. Definitely one of the greatest.

Call it a prelude

Did you know that today is one day closer?

Ironic

I just feel like I got slapped in the face and wow I think I have finally cut all ties with these feelings. Even though I feel like shit right now and even though I'll probably feel like shit tomorrow, one day soon I'm going to wake up feeling amazing without the thought of you lingering in my head.

And you know what, I'm fucking cutting off my hair.

Reality check

I want someone to slap me in the face because I'm kind of lost right now...

Throw up your arms into the sky

I'm not content today. I'm not complacent today. I am satisfied and happy :)

Monday

Last Monday set off a precedent as to what Mondays should really be about :) Oh Monday how I've missed you! Glad to have you back.

Unspoken words

I feel like there is so much to say to everyone but for once I'd rather not speak. I like the silence. It's so comforting these days. Maybe if you sat with me for long enough you'd understand what it is that I'm not saying.

Can you feel this?

My Favourite ever

the past is gone.
you can't get it back.
the future is a mystery,
it's unknown
and it may not even exist,
all you know you have for sure
is now.
now is something you can hold
in the palm of your hand.
right now
is all you have.

As if I would fall for that

Again. I'm not a fool.

In 5 minutes

This day will be over forever, all it will ever be to me and every other person in this world that has lived for it, is a memory. I wish tonight could last a little longer just for me.

Emergency - Ace Enders

I can't get over this song. I guess it relates.

On Monday I'd call
If I could even talk
I should have known

By Tuesday my phone
Was ringing off the hook
So I'm comin' home

And sometimes
All you need in life is emergency
To take time and figure out what you're doing here

And it's a shame
To walk away from
From everything you know
From everything I want
And leave you here all alone, alone, alone

On Wednesday I'd leave
If I could get some sleep
I just sit and think

By Thursday I'd hope
It would feel more like home
But Friday falls...

And sometimes
All you need in life is emergency
To take time and figure out what you're doing here.

And it's a shame
To walk away from
From everything I know
From everything I want
And leave you here all alone, alone, alone
All alone
All alone
All alone
All alone

On Sundays I sit
And remember everything
'Cause now they're done

Holy shit

I just realized how much I have changed since this time last month and it scared the shit out of me...

I wrote this yesterday

& drafted it at about 3:45 PM because my internet was not working!

Right now my head is the clearest it has been in months. Finally my chest infection has pretty much cleared up. The only pills I’m on now are for my allergic reaction that I woke up with on Friday, which I still have no idea what the cause was. Two more days of those pills and then I’m finally free from medication. I feel like my personality is finally emerging again. For the past two weeks I’ve been so dull and lifeless. I haven’t even been able to properly feel anything so yeah I’ve pretty much been this numb zombie walking around with my eyes half open. It has sucked because at times I felt like my personality was breaking through the cracks, but it was never completely there. Now I’m starting to get better, not that what I had was life threatening don’t get me wrong I’m not complaining here simply stating what the past two weeks have been like for me. It has just been hard because usually I’m so energized and happy and for the past two weeks I have been the complete opposite. I actually have been driving around in my car and not singing to my tunes. I haven't done that since I got my license. Fucking weird.
Anyways! Back to the clear-headed thing, today I feel so good. I feel like I’m back on track with myself and I feel completely at peace again. I feel like I have learned so much this past month. I no longer look upon the things that I have been going through as negative, but as simply what they truly are; a learning experience. I’m glad I helped someone along the way with my learning and I’m not resentful that my help isn’t needed anymore because obviously I am no longer a part of their learning. It’s okay, and I can smile about it because it taught me a whole lot about people and myself and next time it happens I can deal with things differently and not get myself so caught up ahead of my time. Finally I can say goodbye to what I believed to be true, and hello to what I ACTUALLY believe at this moment and that is that when you are at peace with yourself, nothing can alter or affect that. You are in control of how you perceive your reality. You are in control of sustaining your happiness. I’m so thankful for the little bit of happiness I felt from everything even if that happiness is gone forever. At least I know it existed within me and at least I know that if I ever felt it once, I’m sure I can feel it again.
Man I love the outcome of a simple cold. Once you feel better physically, then mentally you are all healed and vice versa. Next time you get sick ask yourself why you are feeling this way, and ask yourself what could be blocking you mentally from getting better.

Alter the ending

Is all I listen to these days, with new mayday parade and anything from Christofer being the exception.

I'm hoping

that this is where I might be this time next year.

I like this concept

Zoom

Today I decided in the car before when my mum was driving me around that I'm going to make a list of things to do before it hits 2010. I have the whole day/night to myself and I have no idea how I'm going to spend that time also.

10:31 PM

Something amazing is about to happen so I'm writing it down. I'm going to actually try and sleep at 10:31 PM. I haven't attempted this for months!

Snaps

My room about a month ago.


I'm yellow.

Waiting to buy tickets

I can already tell that today is going to be mighty fine ;]

What today told me

There is a big difference between people who care because they want, and people who care because they care.

& I've realized I'm through with people being so immature. I refuse to put up with that shit in my life when there are so many other amazing people out there who I could be spending time on. It's ridiculous and gutless and I'm not going to stay around for the show. Time is fucking precious.

I couldn't finish watching this

Made my day already

I LOVE it when you have a really crap version of a song like a demo, or bad quality, and then you download a better version :)

It's a new month, last month of the year indeed!

So with this year coming to an end in 30 days I've been doing some thinking. There is still so much left to do and discover before this year is over forever. In the next thirty days I'm going to work towards putting an end to most things, or creating a beginning with others that I've been saying I would for a while now. November '09 is thankfully gone, big learning experience, and now the final chapter of the year is waiting for me to write. I hope this story ends well. I promise to make it end well.

'You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.'