2011 in a nutshell

So twenty-eleven to me has realistically been about ME. I mean this in the most non-arrogant or non-egotistic way possible. This year really tested my limits. This year I would like to say I truly discovered myself but hell, discovery was just a small stepping stone in this years equation. Even now I still continue to learn that life is not about pleasing people, it's about pleasing yourself first. You are never going to please every single person with every single thing that you do so you may as well make yourself happy, in other words you may as well do what the hell YOU want to do. If you're not happy, then really you're not going to make the people around you happy. No one likes being around people who bring them down and suck the life or fun out of any and every given situation. People want to be around positive uplifting people who inspire them and make them feel alive. That's what I think anyway, feel free to argue with me on that when you see me next if you strongly disagree. Anyways off topic there for a bit. At the end of twenty-ten I hit a kind of rock bottom. Now there's two possible scenarios that can carry themselves out when you reach this 'memorable' place. One: You do everything in your power to pick yourself up or to carry on even though you couldn't care less about your life. Two: You let this state of misery completely wash over you so that this once separated entity has taken over your being and has become the fuel of your existence. Pretty polar opposites hey but when you actually think about it you can really start to recognize these two outcomes in the people in throughout lives who are going through a certain 'tragedy' for lack of a better word. It's always easier to choose the second. Do you ever stop to think about how it's much easier to fall than to pick yourself up? That's why most people choose to live their lives through option number two not because it's better for them, but because it's easier. Everything in life is about choice just like the quote by the incredible Ronnie Winter, "Everything in life will bear a consequence" and when you're stuck in such a state you kind of forget that. You forget that YOU have the power to completely turn your life around. You have the power to keep going regardless of how awful you feel to put it simply. It's all your choice. Your thoughts, your feelings, your actions. If you don't want to feel a certain way then start paving the path of positivity. Start changing how you're feeling and slowly, things will change.

On a different note, this year I have really noticed people and the certain mentality that they're living out. It's always about can't with them, why they can't do something because of blah blah BLAH or why they shouldn't do what they want because lets face it, they just love being unhappy people. I apologize for my future swearing but I can feel it at the tip of my fingers and at the front of my mind as I type these words. If you want to eat a whole fucking cake for dinner THEN DO IT. If you want to spend your whole weeks pay on a single night out or a single fucking object if it'll make you happy THEN DO IT. If you want to stay up all night because you are having the best fucking night of your life and you never want it to end even though you know that work is closer approaching with each passing hour DO IT!!! If you want to act like a crazy lunatic in the middle of a shopping centre because you are simply filled with a crazy amount of energy then just fucking DO IT!! LIVE AND STOP MAKING EXCUSES AS TO WHY YOU CAN'T BE HAPPY!! If you have the power to bring forward happiness in your life why the FUCK are you letting that moment pass you by. Life is not about waiting for the right moment, my god there is no such fucking thing about "this right moment phenomenon" that those particularly "wise elders" preach to us early in our lives. The right moment is whenever you want it to be right. It's when you choose to live and breathe happiness and inspiration. Stop admiring these amazing people you read in books and see on TV and actually BE one of those people. Stop longing for someone else's life or happiness and go out and make your own come true. Too many people are blind to this mentality and with each and every person who actually lets this become a part of them is one more person closer to building a happier and more positive reality. Do you want to live your life on the fucking bench observing others live out their dreams or do you want to be one of these people making a difference? Everything that you do is your choice, what you wear, what you think, what you choose to eat or not each for breakfast, how you act, how loud you sing in your car, it's YOUR choice and it's up to YOU to CHOOSE to be happy.

I know I've posted this before years ago but it's very important to remember this poem, I know I keep it pretty close to me in case I ever feel off track.

Eric Victorino

the past is gone.

you can't get it back.

the future is a mystery,

it's unknown

and it may not even exist,

all you know you have for sure

is now.

now is something you can hold

in the palm of your hand.

right now

is all you have.

I think the most important thing I've learnt this year is to live in the moment. I threw the past and future out the window along with my 2010 goodbyes. I just wanted to acknowledge how lucky I am to be alive and constantly surrounded by a sea of people who I call my family.

It's awfully strange when life leads you to a place of familiarity and forces you try and relate to yourself as you once were in hopes of a reconnection. You can't though. Your past self has gone. It's uneasy knowing that you don't know where to go because you no longer belong there. Nothing from your past can bring you solace any more because you are no longer emotionally connected to it. All that's left for you to hold on to is the current moment, your current reality. It's awfully strange when life leads you to a place of familiarity only to take you out of it the moment you step foot onto its porch.

I've never felt this kind of cold before..

"You say it's not right for you but it's right for me"

It's important not just to think happiness but to live and breathe it at the same time.

My newest painting will always remind me of the happiest time of my life :)