Happy Birthday

I wish you were here to celebrate it.

I like disappearing. It's as if my whole world disappears.

I've noticed that the people that mean the most follow after me.

If you choose to focus on the negatives well no wonder you feel like shit each day.

Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain

Sometimes I think about the past and all those hard times that feel like a dream to me now and I wish I could time travel and let myself know that everything really is going to be okay.
Even in my darkest of days I still had even just the smallest spec of hope and I guess that's why I'm still breathing right now.

This was on my wall for a few months last year. I took it down when I felt completely happy at one stage where I felt like I didn't need it. I put it back up a few months ago.

Something happened last week that really opened my eyes up and forced me to kind of re-evaluate my life as it is right now at this moment.

I thought about how stupid I've been living for the past few months and how pathetic I was when I had been focusing all of my attention on all this stupid shit that clearly would not even be worth contemplating or looking back over if I were six feet under right now. It's fucking stupid. I'm so angry at how caught up I got, how I gave into all of that, all those times I let you control me.

Life feels so raw and exposed to me right now. So fresh and violent at the same time. So limited and fast. I have indeed been living mine too fast. I have been stuck in this rut for such a long time because I let myself get caught up in all this superficial shit and all these unrealistic dreams. I'm not saying people shouldn't dream big, but if your dream isn't coming true why don't you just change the direction of your path and stop focusing on how you've failed to accomplish something that was never right or meant for you to begin with.

Right now I feel like I have nothing to lose, life is this fleeting thing that could pass you by at any given moment, and that kind of liberates and separates me from all my insignificant doubts and disappointments.

Don't leave me here

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

?

Where's the excitement?

Tower over me

Man what a weird day, I'm surprised even unconscious it was bizarre.

The best thing in the world

is making people smile. Now someone find me a career with that.

I'm telling YOU :)

If I could I would

If I could life a life where people spoke their words only through sayings then life would be perfect.
Anyways, this song has been stuck in my head all day especially this part for some reason.

We all carry these things inside that no one else can see.
They hold us down like anchors, they drown us out at sea.
I look up to the sky, they may be nothing there to see.

But if i don't believe in him... why would he believe in me?

And holy shit I learned what a Glasgow smile meant today and it blew my mind...

Some things

What's in your head?

"While we are focusing on fear, worry, or hate, it is not possible for us to be experiencing happiness, enthusiasm or love"

“Through self-doubt, we lose our sense of self-worth.”

Self doubt won't leave me alone. I don't want it to destroy me but I can't seem to escape it.

My friend just inspired me

P.S I love fries...so so much!

This very moment

Man I've missed this so much.

Emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness
And cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me
Intoxicated with the madness, I'm in love with my sadness
Bullshit fakers, enchanted kingdoms
The fashion victims chew their charcoal teeth
I never let on, that I was on a sinking ship
I never let on that I was down
You blame yourself, for what you can't ignore
You blame yourself for wanting more

No one really tells you that forever feels like home

I can't recognize a single thing I'm surrounded by...

If life were this easy

It wouldn't be as amazing.

True that

Battle for the sun

Interesting fact.

"We've made a record about choosing life, and choosing to live, about stepping out of the darkness and into the light. Not necessarily turning your back on the darkness because it's there, it's essential; it's a part of who you are, but more about the choice of standing in the sunlight instead."
-Brian Molko

This song makes me so happy

I'd rather live than live forever

This year for most of the time I haven't done that. It's pretty hard to do that when you're stuck with thoughts of the past or anticipations of the future. I feel like I've finally let all that out of my system though. Time won't wait for me to straighten myself up. I'm ready to live in this moment without looking back to the past and thinking about how happy I was or whatever, those moments are gone. They will always be with me and I'll never forget them but thinking about them the way I used to interferes with my reality right now. I have let them go. As for the future, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. I'm sick of looking forward to all these plans and goals that aren't even real yet. So far they are just a fantasy. I want to look forward to just waking up each day and being satisfied with things as they are. I'm done worrying about what will happen if I decide to do this or that. If you're on the right track and if something is making you happy then how can it be wrong for you? Even if it doesn't last it was still right for you in that moment and I think that's one of my biggest mistakes. Not being able to accept the fact that moments aren't made to last forever. Memories are though.

I feel like I'm the only person in the world that is awake

Today I feel like the thought dividers in my mind have come out of place and caused every single thought of mine to exist together simultaneously running around in my mind suffocating what I should actually be thinking.

I can't sleep. I'm going to be awake all night :(

:)

Use yesterday to inspire

tomorrow, not to discourage it.

Lalala lalala

At this very moment;

satisfaction
relief
sorrow
happiness
honesty

Christofer Drew

Thank you Craig Owens

'Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.'