So even though 2010 has been pretty tough...it has also been pretty wonderful. It was actually probably the biggest year for me learning wise. I have learned so much about myself-the kind of person that I am, as well as other people-who I want to surround myself with. I haven't felt more like myself than I have in these past few months and I love how everyday that feeling just keeps growing stronger.
I can't wait for 2011 to come. I think it's time to move forward. I will miss everything that this year has brought me but I'm excited for the unknown to unravel with time.
I just decided that I want my New Years resolution to be something along the lines of eliminating all negative thoughts whenever they hit the surface. Hopefully I'll stick to it as much as possible.
Happy New Years with peace and love :)

Polaroid scans

Second last day of the year spent with my two favourite people :)

I have no idea exactly how much time I just spent reading but what I do know is that I read about seventy pages. It feels like about half an hour has passed to me but when I first started the sky was blue, it now looks black. Time flies when you're having fun!

Truest of trues

"There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under my jurisdiction. There are certain lottery tickets I can buy, thereby increasing my odds of finding contentment. I can decide how I want to spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I eat and read and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities (and on the occasions where I can't rise to the most optimistic viewpoint, because I'm feeling too damn sorry for myself, I can choose to keep trying to change my outlook). I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts."

“It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.”

I've always loved Christmas eve. I don't know if it's because of all the anticipation that has been leading up to the day ahead or because all the frantic chasing has disappeared. Either way, for this one night everything runs in slow motion and it's definitely something worth taking notice of.

Working in retail during the Christmas season can sometimes make you feel as if you are on the verge of insanity. It can completely drive you to resenting Christmas and every little thing derived from it. I've been saying to others that I feel like Christmas can sometimes bring out the worst in people.
I was serving a lady and her two sons when, she told me that they had just picked up her husband from the hospital today and that he was very sick. She told me that him coming home was all that they wanted for Christmas and they were very thankful. I think moments like these really put things into perspective when your outlook on things have been contaminated by trivial nonsense that doesn't even deserve a second thought or contemplation. You only have one life so live it and stop complaining when you have so much to be thankful for :)

Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

There is something so peaceful about driving home in the middle of the night with rain ceaselessly pouring down your windscreen hindering your vision and being the only car in sight. It kind of feels like you're the only person left in the world.

Can't get enough

I've always loved this quote :)

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
— Marilyn Monroe

A'men to this

"If I think more about death than some other people, it is probably because I Iove life more than they do"

I've decided everything gets better if you're willing to change.

I feel like I am looking at my life through new eyes today, eyes that don't distort the truth but overtly present it in a broader context.

My sky today was beyond beautiful :)

Starting today, there will be no dissatisfaction in my days.

'You are everything you've ever done to yourself'

:)

Everything will be fine.

This music makes me so so happy

Me and my girl.

Incompatible

Lately when I've been talking with people I've been stepping outside of these conversations and thinking about how much I simply could not care less about what they ate for breakfast this morning, or their constant bickering about other people. I'm sick of these superficial conversations filled with anything but substance. I'm sick of people making such a big deal out of these things that are trivial and futile. I don't understand how any of these things matter in the long run.
Why can't people just live their lives without any of this negative shit hovering over them every single day.
I want to have a conversation with someone who's words bring forward passion or inspiration not self pity or resentment.
I feel like I haven't really been resonating with anyone for a while now. Maybe I'm simply incompatible.

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions."

"Live out of your imagination instead of out of your memory."

Pretty sure this is my new favourite song

Beautiful

When I see things like this, I can't even explain how I feel about things...my philosophy on life is shared. Maybe I'm not so crazy. Maybe I'm not so alone in this way of thinking.

This lady is just...no words

count me the stars
on your ceiling this night

those trapped inside the cracks and webs

on purple pages

blue

those reflected in your sleepy eyes
scattered in your lashes
those that breathe and dance
and those that calm the view

count me the stars
on your ceiling this night

count me the stars

Today was some kind of perfect.

A genuine smile can be so uplifting :)

“because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes ‘Awww!’”

- Jack Kerouac, On The Road

Exuberance is Beauty.

I've probably taken the same photo, of the same sky, in the same street a hell of a lot of times.
The sky always looks different to me though.

PEOPLE HAVE AGENDAS.

What makes you think that you'd be valued any different to them?

More procrastination

We made plans to kiss the sun at night
Hopeless dreamers, hopeless types

Anyone wanna go for a walk? I'm wide awake.

Mel you're going to appreciate this just as much as I do!

I haven't heard clean live vocals like this for a long long time :)

This is what procrastination does to me

I was watching a movie the other day and one of the characters said something like 'it's human nature to bounce back and get over things'. I then thought about the complete relevance and truth of this statement, and not just my truth but the universal truth.

It's in our genes to recover. The want, the need, the thirst for something more is always within us even when we have fallen down, all we want to do is to escape or to improve. All we want is for the pain to go away. I don't think anyone actually enjoys living in complete misery. So why doesn't this thought help change or comfort us when we are feeling like our troubles are the biggest and there is no way out? It's because we are blinded by the thoughts that are relentlessly roaming around in our minds, these negative thoughts that don't seem to have an off button. It would be easier if we could turn them off instantly but hey where's the fun in that? Life isn't about the easy way out. It's about finding strength in your misery. If happiness was just handed out to us like a piece of paper would it carry just as much value? Would it even exist?

The most important thing I've learned all year is that time helps you heal. Everything passes with time. Pain isn't something that you get over-it's something that you learn to live with and you will learn to live with it because it's in your nature to survive. You weren't born to throw in the white towel at the first sight of a challenge. You were born to live through it.

Keep your heart free from hate,
your mind from worry.
Live simply. Expect little,
give much.

This photo would be better if it had the word 'bitch' in the bottom right corner. Adds some spice.

"When we first started out I had a really big issue and a lot of my loved ones had a really big issue with the fact that I was totally in pain up there and there was a time when I tried to hurt myself off stage, but I got over that. Like, you should never want to hurt yourself. You should love yourself. Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself and become a new person and I think that that is going to be a lot of what the next record is about, not to plug it or anything. Like, it's going to talk about dying and coming back to become what you totally want to become. We are all becoming what we want to become."

- Gerard Way

There's no such thing as being "not good enough" or "not strong enough" for something or someone, those statements are the biggest cop-outs I have ever heard. It's your choice how determined you are to persevere or to keep persisting. It's up to you to try to be better to suit your ideals or standards. It's wrong to go by someone else's. You control your own happiness. I completely and entirely know that now and it is simply beautiful :)

Lesson # 1840348

It's wonderful how someone you've never met before has the capacity to make your day. Today at work I exchanged a few casual words with a friendly lady. We'll probably never speak again, or meet again for that matter, but she was one of the nicest people I've ever met and I haven't heard words like that directed to me with sincerity for a long time.
Thank you, you brightened my day :)

Magic

Turn it up full blast now!

Phone snaps

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